Okay, i think i'm going through an emotional distress. People said it's because i use my brain too much. I think too much. But i can't feel that i'm actually thinking you know. At least i didn't do it intentionally. Thoughts just linger in my mind. It is an involuntary action. Oh! No wonder my hair length is
not increasing lately. My brain must have sucked every single drop of essence from the food i've taken in. Remember back then, my hair grew real fast and my friends used to tell me, i think your hair takes up 90% of your consumed nutrients. But now, sigh~ It is because so much had happened recently and i couldn't really figure out what should i do to deal with everything. They come all at once! These are things i never experience in my life before. I couldn't help but to feel stressed out. I feel like i am having bad days all the time now. Feeling down, anxious, overstressed, as if i'm
one breathe away from the last straw. I can't barely recall a day when my face is dry from tears. Always have my just-woke-up-face on around people and make them can't help but asking me questions like did you just woke up? or are you sick? =.=" I would just nod rather than explaining i've swollen eyes because i was crying or because i'm deprived of sleeps.
Insomnia! One of the symptoms of mental distress =/ Because i fear i would cry if i talk too much. I would scare the hell outta people and they will never dare to talk to me again wth. That's why i chose to isolate myself, keeping away from the crowd. I didn't want to answer their questions. I just couldn't find my voice no matter how simple the question is. And i'm scared of the responses they might give me. It's so hard for me to open up to people nowadays. I wouldn't tell when are they being truthful or otherwise. Humans can be fake sometimes and
i'm always the one being fooled.
not because my surname is Foo fyi =/ Just that some people are just too good with their words and you'll often get persuaded. Plus they can change their mind in a blink of the eye time. And so, now i think the best way is to keep mum and never let my guard down. I always fail in that case cause i believe people too easily! Fall for their words and acts. And then, i feel bad for hurting people or feel sad when i'm being hurt. Guess what? Crying has been really a commonplace for me. Even i can tell i'm crying too much nowadays. I've blurred vision and it has gotten worse this morning cause i'm feeling that my right eye's cornea has been misplaced wth cause i rubbed my eyes too roughly.
it felt like your contact lens went off place though i never try contact lenses before zzz Life has been miserable at home too.
Inconsiderate parents telling me to do things i dislike. It's suffocating being in the same room with them. They never seem to understand me. I know it's my fault that i wouldn't convince you to let me do things my way. But did you give me a chance to be independent? How could i learn if i don't make mistakes? I've decided and can you all just set me free to do what i like? Stop popping up in the middle of my path and try to change something cause i'm trying hard to settle down and get things done. Stop being so protective and shake my perseverance. I will never talk back cause i don't wanna appear rebellious and because after all, they are my parents. I didn't know when did i become such an emotional person. I really can't take the heartache anymore. I wanted to call you but i don't know what to say. Despite the fact that, you couldn't answer my calls. Ahh, i kinda miss the old me too. The one who uses =) more than =( When can i be cheerful again like i used to be? Maybe my toughness is used up. That is why i am like a jellyfish now. A jellyfish trapped in an aquarium.
Sorry for showing you all my shitty face last night.
I really don't feel good ='(
